A quick fix

Three more classes to teach before this semester is over. I cannot believe it. Summer semester starts pretty much right away, so there isn't much time for me to be standing frozen, mouth hanging open (yes, this is how I would spend my free time [or at least what sounds best right now]: standing immobile, silent, eyes slowly losing focus), but still.

I don't understand why some kids wait until the end of the semester to discuss their grades. "You're being unfair," they say, or maybe something more like, "wtf's up with my paper grade?!"

I tell them the obvious; that if they'd talked to me about this sooner, maybe even a mere two or three weeks ago, we could have worked together to address whatever issues they were/are having. But with three classes left? I am no god, friends, and I don't pretend to be one! Maybe it's a compliment that they think there is still time to fix things?

I hate that term, by the way. The idea that things, people, anything, everything, can be "fixed." This suggests that with some effort whatever is wrong with the world, a person, a class, etc, whatever the problem is could be removed and the world, person, class, etc, would revert back to however it was before the problem surfaced. Back to something more like perfection. In my thinking, this would involve time travel, because whatever happens to us cannot be undone. We're permanently altered by the people, things, diseases, places, that touch us, and there is no "fixing" that. There is no clean reversion back to an antiseptic norm.

We are messy, confused, failing things, and there is no fix for us. If I could help my student "fix" the problems that resulted in her B- (which, lest you forget! would take much, much longer than three class periods, but anyway); if I could fix the problems, she'd still have other problems rise to the surface and bubble there.

Which is, I guess, my point here, although I'm more than a little wary of saying there is a point to this blog, maybe other than stating my exhaustion (hence the desire to stand unmoving for days).

Maybe I'm wrong and the idea of a fix doesn't imply a return to a previous state of idealized being, and I'm not sure what in the idea suggests this to me, except that I see it on TV all the time. People want scar cream to not only fix, but remove evidence of the scar. We are advertised products that will fix our faces by deleting wrinkles, smoothing pores, etc etc.

But these are false promises, duh, like I have to tell you that. Nothing is fixable. Even the best scar cream can't totally remove all evidence of scarring. We are permanently altered by the people and events that surround us, and no amount of surgical fillers, low fat foods, exercise regimens, spiritual experiences, long contemplative walks, or personal triumphs/failures can undo what we've been through.