Goodbye, September

My sister moved out this weekend. Here is a brief list of things she left behind (she might be planning on coming back for them): a box of toys, a broom and dustpan, a mattress, one beach towel, a chiminea, a tv, dust bunnies, broken beach chairs, an almost used up piece of soap, a new piece of soap that everyone is probably allergic to, a little basket of cat toys, a dvd/vcr combo. There might be more. I find her things unexpectedly.

Something else I found unexpectedly is that I miss her. So much.

I have a short story in this online journal (in issue three). You have to open the e-book. Mine is the last story in it, under MR Sheffield. http://www.springgunpress.com/journal

I finally finished my entire first stack of 80 or so papers. While I was expecting a feeling of supreme accomplishment, alas, it never materialized. Instead, I was seized by anxiety.

Reasons I feel anxious: we have to move soon (house or no house, we probably won't stay here in the "bad" neighborhood where the cops will pull you over and search your car for no reason), it's really hard to move in the middle of a school semester, I miss my sister, the house is a mess (partly due to her moving out, and also because we haven't felt like cleaning because everything has been in such a state of upheaval [see: my last post]), I'm teaching five classes...

Now. Although I'm nervous about a long list of things, I'm also surprisingly calm. I have the wherewithal to remind myself that things will work out. And I have incredible family members and friends who support me. So. I find myself often sort of swinging back from panic to calm.

Today I feel good. More grading is in order, but it's not insurmountable. It's, in fact, really do-able, mostly because I finished the big pile yesterday.

Oh! And we made everything-roasted-vegetable soup last night. It was really helpful, because I find that when I'm having trouble sleeping due to anxiety, if I go over a recipe in my head (a bit compulsively, but still), it calms me down and allows me to sleep. Before bed last night I was remembering slicing the potatoes and removing carrot peel.

Looking forward to Wednesday at Patrice's. Bobby and I are making raviolis, but we're not making the pasta or anything; we're using wonton wrappers. This is actually my favorite kind of ravioli. But we shall see, shan't we?

One more thing. Now that I've memorized all 105-110 of my kids' names, I think I've been forgetting other people's names. They've been pushed right out of my head.

Upheaval

This exact moment in my life feel like that sensation when you're falling, but you're momentarily floating, and because it's strange or because you're scared the moment slows down so that you see your hair lifting away from your head, and your skirt floating above your knees. Everything is in motion around me.

Laura is moving out today and tomorrow.

I have chipped and chipped at the papers, and have a mere 14 left to grade. I'll probably need to speed this up in the future, but for now I'm pretty satisfied. It's entirely possible we'll be closing on a house either soon or soonish. Everything is in flux.

Even me. I find it difficult to sit still. Bobby and I have been learning the ukulele. This, for some reason, helps. Not that things are bad, oh, not at all. They are just, you know, changing. And changing in fundamental ways.

Which is good and bad. More good than bad. Bobby got a raise at his job. It's awesome that they value him; I know that he loves what he does. Plus he's good at it. I don't think he'd like this section of my blog, so I'm going to move on.

But this moment? The one where everything around me feels suspended? The one where I'm falling but don't know it yet? It's also exhilarating.

Thursday, Thursday

Today is much better than Tuesday. Funny how that works. I don't think they'll be able to find out who hacked my email. It's okay though. I am no longer angry about it.

What's the point, really, in being angry? It only makes teaching more difficult. This is because it could have been anyone (and possibly one of my students!). Plus no real harm was done. If anything, the students in the class the hacker sent the email to feels bad for me. They were quite well behaved on Tuesday, actually.

I'm working my way through the papers. It's like getting into a very cold pool. I have never been the kind of person to jump into the deep end. I go to the steps and slooooowly lower myself into the water (the stomach is the worst part). Paper by paper by paper. I have a method this time (I have to; if nothing else teaching five classes has taught me to be organized) - I'm going to grade class by class grading the entire class before moving onto the next.

Maybe this sounds obvious, but it has been really helpful. I feel less stressed, too, because I've completed one full class (nevermind that that really only means 20 papers).

My creative writing class is going quite well. I was worried about trying to workshop four students per class (the class is 120 minutes long), but it worked well today. Everyone was focused and into the material.

Last night we had dinner at Patrice's (as is our Wednesday tradition). I made spaghetti from a recipe in Food and Wine. It turned out, which was a very happy moment for me. Lately I have come to really enjoy cooking, maybe because it's a time when I can focus on something simple; follow these steps in this order and taste taste taste. This is pretty much the exact opposite of grading and preparing for classes.

Oh no! Now I've reminded myself; I should go grade more.

Hacked

Soooooo. This semester is going well. I'm in the middle of getting 80 papers to grade (got some yesterday, getting more tonight). It should be interesting.

A few hours ago, someone hacked my school email account and sent out two really inappropriate emails. One to an entire class, and one to a single student. I'm so angry about this that I don't even feel angry. Do you know what I mean? If I allowed myself to be as angry as I am, I would have a tough time teaching today.

Which reminds me. One more class to go. They are reading Virginia Postrel's essay "The Boundaries of Design," and I'm not going to lie to you; they don't love it. Ha. But I think once we go through everything she discusses they might change their minds. They realized once I gave them their next paper topic that this whole semester will be an exploration of how to define art. I don't think I'd call them pleased at this discovery, but it's a topic we can really do a lot with.

In the one mass email to all my kids, the hacker said I was having a party this weekend, but that I was too high to give directions. In the other email, the one to the single student, the hacker said that I am a slut. Really, really fun stuff here.

I changed my password, emailed the kids and told them I'd been hacked, talked to the chair of the department, and contacted IRM, but it's really disconcerting. I wonder if it was one of my students or if it was a random person.

The house is going well, I think. It's going, anyway, with a momentum of its own. My secret (not so much secret anymore, eh?) wish is for it to close before we get any hurricanes. It's poured concrete!

I just feel disheartened right now. Maybe that's why I'm not angry. I don't have the energy.

And a 1 and a 2

This semester I am teaching five classes. I'm teaching creative writing, interpretation of fiction, two sections of freshman comp one, and one section of freshman comp two. So far, so good, but I haven't yet had to deal with the paper flood that is to come. I might take the Writing Programs Director's advice and not comment on rough drafts, which is something I've never done before.

But then, I've also never had 105 students before, so there's that.

We are working on buying a home. We just had an inspection yesterday and it went pretty well. I'm just so happy every day that we have Patrice to help us. Without her, we would feel so lost in this whole process.

One thing that is difficult about teaching so many different classes is switching gears in between them. I just got back from interpretation of fiction where my class had an excellent discussion of "Battle Royal," by Ellison, and now I have to get ready for my 1101 class where we'll be talking about MLA formatting and thesis construction. One thing I've been working on is bringing in similar lesson plans in as many classes as possible.

For example, I taught my lit class and my enc (English comp) classes about how to format and arrange their essays at the same time. I just had to adapt my notes to the readings they were doing. Pretty good.

I can't really do this with creative writing, but then teaching creative writing is like my reward, really.

It's definitely harder remembering all their names, but I'm working on it. Wish me luck.